He Should Have Thought of Her
by Lilacshadows
Summary: Tamaki thought of him every time he held his child in his arms. He should have thought of her instead. It was her child after all, not his. After Ouran, Tamaki and Haruhi had a daughter named Kotoko. Years after that, Tamaki still thinks of Kyoya and not of Haruhi. And at her graduation, his daughter asks him a question he never thought she ever would.


He Should Have Thought Of Her

**Tamaki Centric (set years after graduating Ouran)**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ouran or any of its wonderful characters, despite how much I wish otherwise.

**Please enjoy. And thanks for reading.**

…**..**

He thought of _him _every time he held his child in his arms. He should have thought of _her_. It was _her_ child after all, not _his_.

Every time his bright eyed daughter smiled, he remembered _his _knowing smirks and _his_ rare small, lopsided smiles. He should have remembered _her_ open happiness and heartwarming smiles. Whenever his daughter brought home an "A" on her report card he would remember how _he _would always earn top marks. He should have remembered how _she _had been an honor student. The day his daughter showed him a sketch of himself and her, he almost cried at the memory of a black sketchbook. He should have almost cried at the memory of a girl with no artistic capabilities whatsoever. Those days when she would become exasperated and sigh out a resigned "Yes Daddy" made him catch his breath in memory of another voice saying those very same words. His breath should have caught in memory of those same exasperated sighs from _her_ voice instead.

He encouraged her to draw. He even bought her a small leather bound sketchbook that resembled a notebook. He encouraged her to earn top grades. He spent countless nights helping her with her homework. He encouraged her to smile. He always was looking for ways to make her smile because every time she did, he saw _him_.

He saw Kyoya Ohtori in everything his daughter did. He knew his petite, violet eyed, chocolate brown haired Kotoko would never be _him_. She could never replace _him. _He knew that she was her own independent person, just like her mother had been, but he still tried. He still pretended.

He should have seen _her_. He should have seen Haruhi Fujioka in everything his daughter did. He should have thought that his petite, violet eyed, chocolate brown haired Kotoko would never be _her_. He should have pretended.

Deep down, he that what he was doing was wrong.

It was oh so wrong.

She should remind him of Haruhi, of her mother, not of his best friend.

He should not be using his only child as a surrogate for a dead friend. He knew that Kyoya would never return. He knew that no matter how much he tried, Kyoya would still be dead. He knew that Kyoya and his memory would slowly but surely fade away no matter how desperately he clung to it.

And what hurt the most: He _knew _that Kyoya, who had wanted so desperately to break away from his brothers, would hate him for what he was doing to sweet, darling Kotoko. He knew that Haruhi, who had always believed in the worth of each independent person, would hate him for how he was using sweet, darling Kotoko.

But still he tried.

Knowing what he did, he pretended all the more.

He imagined that she was Kyoya's and not his. Pretended that Kyoya was still alive to go along with his crazy plans and chastise him for being an idiot. He should have imagined that Haruhi was still alive as well. Should have pretended that she was alive to call him a rich bastard and then say that she still loved him.

There were days when he imagined that her doe-like violet eyes were instead a steel gray. There were times when he imagined her hair was raven black and not a warm chocolate brown. He should have imagined that her violet eyes were a rich, dark brown. He should have loved her chocolate hair all the more because it was just like _hers_.

Whenever she asked for a bedtime story, he would tell her tales of Kyoya. He would disguise his deceased best friend as a handsome prince, a noble knight, or a hardworking commoner. The prince, the knight, and the commoner were far from perfect. They made mistakes. They had trouble expressing their feelings. They cared deeply for the ones they loved. They were all Kyoya as he had seen him. A tangled mess of emotion, desire, and control. A passionate being concealed within a detached exterior. _He_ eventually became Kotoko's ideal. And often, she would demand a story about her prince when other tales were offered.

He should have told her stories of a beautiful princess instead. _She_ should have become Kotoko's ideal. She should have demanded stories about the beautiful, blunt, oblivious princess instead.

She should have seen more photos of Haruhi. Instead, she was mesmerized by the photos of Kyoya. And every memory he had of Kyoya, Tamaki would tell her. They should have been memories of Haruhi instead. Pictures of Haruhi should have been the ones to grab her attention.

Years later, when she told him that she wanted to be a doctor he was ecstatic. His heart nearly shattered the day she received a scholarship and began medical school. He made sure to hug her and tell her how proud he was of his sweet, darling Kotoko. He made sure to add how proud Haruhi would have also been. He made sure not to mention _Kyoya_ and how _he_ had never lived to reach _his_ goals.

His heart did shatter the day she graduated and received her degree. That day, as he hugged her and told her how proud her mother would have been, she asked the one question he had never imagined that she would ever ask.

His sweet, darling Kotoko asked, "Do you think that _he_ would be proud too?"

Do you think that_ Kyoya_ would be proud too?

She should have asked him if he was absolutely sure that _Haruhi_ would be proud instead. Asked for comfirmation that her mother would not have been upset at her not becoming a lawyer.

Tamaki only hugged his daughter tighter.

…**..**

**Thank you for reading. Reviews and/or constructive criticism is welcome.**


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